Thank you Christof
As strange as this might sound.... The most reliable results we recently had with Ubuntu as the server instead of Windows. With Ubuntu you can entirely disable all caching and all oplocks which both are the reasons for the problems we have in VFP. Windows doesn't disable all of them, even if you ask nicely.
For Windows here's my current set of registry settings that must be applied to the server and the client and requires a reboot of both when making any changes.
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\services\LanmanServer\Parameters DisableLeasing DWORD 1 EnableOplocks DWORD 0
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\services\LanmanWorkstation\Parameters CacheFileTimeout DWORD 0 DirectoryCacheLifetime DWORD 0 DormantDirectoryTimeout DWORD 1 DormantFileLimit DWORD 0 FileInfoCacheLifetime DWORD 0 FileNotFoundCacheLifetime DWORD 0
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\services\Parameters OplocksDisabled DWORD 1